A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
