dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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