i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
