she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
