Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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