i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
