We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
