so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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