Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
