so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
