If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
