it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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