Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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