I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
