and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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