Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
