You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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