I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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