i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
