I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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