My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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