Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Everyone says I win the strip club
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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