Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
