I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
