Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
