Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
