forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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