a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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