If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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