So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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