I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
