maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
