I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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