So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
