just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
