come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
