she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
