I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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