oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
