The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
