Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
