Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
