Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
