Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
