I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
