So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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