Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
