He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
