She said her name was "party"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Randomize
