I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Come see our sink grown plant.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
