1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
