so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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