I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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