tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
