I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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