I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize
